I am sitting alone at a Starbucks writing this, having taken leave of my kids and husband for a couple of hours of alone time. Parenting is one of the most contradictory things ever. I love my kids, and LOVE being with them, but also seem to need more alone time than ever before. So I try to create space whenever possible - enter Starbucks this evening.
My kids have taught me SO much. If you read the later posts in my old blog, you might know why I say that. Here are a few things I know now that I didn't know before I was a parent:
Love Is Infinite. You don't know how much love you can feel until you have children. And when you have multiple, the love just keeps growing. Where it comes from, I don't know.
Patience IS a Virtue. I used to think I was a patient person. My kids endlessly test my patience. And I still become more patient than ever before. See what I mean by contradiction?
Responsibility for a Human Is a Tremendous Gift. And a curse. Contradiction, no? Ok, fine - It's not really a curse, but I have never worried as much as I have since having children. Especially after having a boy - I'm responsible for keeping that jumping little boy alive? My son had so many head injuries (mostly minor, thank goodness!) before his first birthday, I wasn't sure that I would survive that first year...or that he would! But he's alive and well, and nearly 4 at this point, thank goodness.
Like I said, these are but a few. Being a parent is the favorite "role" I play as a human. It's also the most painful and the thing that makes me the most angry...more contradictions.
Here's the ultimate truth about parenting from my own experience: there's no "being good" at it. You just are. And your kids love you whether you're good at it or not. They forgive you more than they should sometimes, and I'm grateful for that. There IS something called being a bad parent, but even the good ones aren't all that great. You just learn by doing, and hopefully, If you're like me, it ends up being more rewarding than frustrating. You make the same mistakes over and over, but you apologize, and move on. You love fiercely, and anything that hurts your kids hurts you more. You watch them with wonder. You become in awe of the people as they come into their own, perhaps (you hope) influenced by the good things in you, and learning little from the not-so-great parts of you.
I have two hearts that live outside my body, as seen in the above picture. I want to say most parents feel that way, but I think it's especially true for mothers. My two kiddos came from me. Parts of me are what they are made of, and parts of them are still in me. What could be more meaningful, binding and connected a relationship?
Thank you for teaching me love, my babies. I will forever love you, even when you are no longer babies. You will always be mine, even when I'm gone. 💌