September 23, 2024
As many of my blog posts, this one's going to be another exercise in vulnerability, but one in which I'm unsure of how to express myself. Let's call it a stream-of-consciousness post, shall we?
I'm concurrently reading and listening to two books that are completely unrelated, but because of the parallel nature of gathering the knowledge from each book, my mind is making connections that may or may not truly exist. What I'm about to write might make no sense to the reader, but this is the messy process of reflection and growth, so here I am.
Book 1 - Only through about a hundred physical pages as of this post, as book-reading is slow going for moms - The Compass H.O.M.E by Dr. Marwa Assar.
The first is an Islamic lens into holistic wellness; what Dr. Assar refers to as a psycho-spiritual awakening.
Book 2 - An audiobook through my library app, Libby - More Than a Body by Lindsay Kite, Ph.D. and Lexie Kite, Ph.D.
The second is about how women's bodies are objectified in society and how we have so much more to offer society than our bodies alone.
Of course, you already know they are on polar opposite spectrums. However, there are things that my overworked brain is connecting into meaningful stories, and I'm going to label this growth for me today.
Here are 3 A-ha moments that are fueling the fire of change in me.
Women, objectified as they are in society, owe it to themselves to become driven by their psycho-spiritual well-being, letting their heart take the lead over their physical forms. While Dr. Assar's book is about her exploration into Islam and Psychology - she's clearly a trailblazer in this space - her insights on how people can cultivate themselves mentally, emotionally and spiritually (i.e. psycho-spiritually), is likely applicable to people in general who have faith in divine power, although targeted toward Muslims. The more we focus on our physical selves only - as objectification in our society has compelled us to do - the further we move away from our psycho-spiritual wholeness, where, according to Dr. Assar, our heart leads the conversation and our actions.
My personal a-ha moment here is how much I have personally valued my physical being over other skills and talents (what Lexie and Lindsay Kite call "self-objectification"), and I've exercised the same objectification toward other women. I will go as far as to say that I'm ashamed to admit this fact. It's not that the notion is objectification is new for me, but it's simply not something I have given a ton of attention to outside of knowing the concept intellectually.
So many of my conversations with friends are about our physical bodies, how they are changing as we age, give birth, gain weight, or lose weight - rather than focusing on what our amazing bodies are capable of or what we are passionate about outside of monitoring our bodies. Maybe as I'm aging, going through my own version and phases of a mid-life crisis, I see a greater need to be less focused on the outward expressions and judgments of me, and turn inward more. Now, almost a year since that blog post, I've uncovered more of the roots of my lack of direction and dissatisfaction, and some of it is a around self-objectification. Now that I know better, I hope to do better. Awareness is the first step toward change.
Our physical bodies are a window to the soul, and the start of our spiritual journey. Mixing metaphors aside, I think I'm onto something here. In More Than a Body, Drs. Kite, speak about how our bodies are "instruments, not ornaments." This hit me really hard. How often do you and I go around judging women for their looks alone - without knowing anything about who they are, what they're about, what stories they have to share with the world? How often do we compare ourselves physically to other women? It happens so often, it's almost automatic. And heck, it's hard to change. We criticize, belittle, and berate our body parts, single out the flaws, and talk about our bodies as decorative "objects" parading the streets.
At 43, I just finished a running program, have finished several strength programs throughout the year, am working on increasing my stamina, and have enrolled in a beginner flamenco class just for fun. I have been more consistent with my fitness regimen for over a decade than ever before. BUT I don't look like I did in my 20s, and there's a part of me that longs to see the weight from my early 20s on the scale. Nope, not gonna happen. Why do I need even need that? That's the reality of it, though. And objectifying myself over so many years means I put so much weight on that number on the scale (pun intended) that it has an adverse effect on how I see myself. Add a sprinkle of peri-menopausal hormones, and you'd better believe I'm often sitting there feeling as though I'm about to lose my mind.
My second conclusion, therefore, is such: in internalizing some of what I've been reading, in conjunction with what I'm physically experiencing at this age, a window has opened for me toward rising above my physicality. Contradictory as it may sound, I want to utilize my physical body toward better physical, psychological and spiritual health before I have to leave this body on this earth, on my deathbed. I can only wish for more than just half a life to do that with. How's that for an overthinking mind? :)
Think again, to live again. I don't usually expect random books that I pick up to change my mind greatly, although I learn and apply something from every book that I like. More than a Body did change my mind greatly (although what the authors propose is harder to implement than you might think) and I already know that The Compass Home is going to have a meaningful impact to my life. Don't get me wrong - I'm very much alive and doing fairly well, all things considered, and grateful for my life in its current state.
But I'm not thriving right now; simply surviving, questioning, and sometimes languishing. I've been trying to figure out why. A year is a long time to go through a "weird" phase of life like this one where you're struggling to find meaning in everyday routines, and I know there may be more years to go like this. However, right now, I have a bit more direction than I did before I came across these two books (the first gifted to me by my aunt, the second randomly picked from a list of non-fiction audiobooks), to take stock of the things that I can do differently to live more meaningfully. I intend to put them into practice.
There you are, dear readers, my thoughts for the day (maybe the month or a few months, given the rate at which I've been writing on this blog!). My hope is that some of this will resonate with one or two of you, and perhaps you'll want to have a conversation, and explore this space with me as I continue growing through changing my mind.