January 24, 2024
Today's blog title is inspired by restaurant art, as I spend an overdue evening writing a new post. Sometimes talking about family feels the hardest of Fitness, Family and 'F'ilosophy as the pillars of this blog.
I'm reflecting today on the shared values my husband, Ryan, and I try to instill in our kids. Some we have done deliberately; others, we work on as we go, when the need arises.
How I define the bottom line: we want our children to be good, healthy and happy people. On some level, Ryan and I want them to lead successful lives, but to me, I would much rather that they lead meaningful lives, full of love.
The word success comes with the kind of baggage in the west - and increasingly in the east - around professional accomplishments, financial gain, the pursuit of "more" of everything. Feeling financially secure is important for obvious reasons - there is nothing wrong with defining values around financial literacy, understanding the value of money, and so forth - hence don't misunderstand that I think money is not important. Money is very important, especially when you're starting to establish yourself and set up a family. Financial security is not always easily available, and until you have food and financial security, you're most likely not in a place to think more philosophically about life and raising children.
I wrote a blog post years ago that talks about defining success - I still think along those lines a little bit, but perhaps have greater appreciation today for the more subtle pleasures of life.
What do I mean by 'lead meaningful lives?' That's not for me to define for my children, but what we can do as parents is provide tools that will help them find their own meaning, and own sources of love (aside from us as parents). If we are so lucky to see them grow, flourish and find meaning in their lives, I would consider that a meaningful life for me.
What I'd love for them to learn is to be kind to others, consistently be open minded and receptive to diversity, and to love, above all. In an ideal world, maybe they will be agents of change where they will, individually and as siblings, cultivate compassion in their future communities - maybe they will cultivate worlds in which "love grows roots."
It's difficult to know whether our 9-year-old and 3-year-old are absorbing those definite values or not. They are both incredibly good kids, and sometimes I'll hear my daughter repeat something back to me that I've been trying to teach her over the years, but, in general, I have very little idea of what they absorb from us vs what they absorb from their environments, nor what the future holds for them. While hoping and praying is not a strategy, the only thing to do here is to lead by example by being good, healthy and happy ourselves.
I don't necessarily worry about their future. My wish for them is simple (be good, healthy and happy), but how hard is that going to be for them in the future? What will they retain from us as parents? How much will their environments challenge their ability to be good people, create healthy lives, and nurture happiness?
I look forward to finding out. ❣️